Sometimes I hear nuggets of wisdom that either slap me across the face to get my attention or stop me dead in my tracks so that I can absorb the meaning. In recent days messages were heard that did both. First, I came across a discussion about self-deprivation as a response to trauma through a LinkedIn post by trauma therapist Natalia Rachel.
Wow, I thought, in all of my years of studying Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and living through the collective trauma of COVID, I had never heard that description. Self-deprivation as a trauma response is the one that slapped me across the face.
Deep within, self-deprivation silently lurks—a learned response to trauma, a survival strategy that leaves us depleted, and unable to thrive. Healing urges us to break free from this cycle, to embrace self-regulation, self-care, and a life rooted in healing. It’s a journey that challenges ingrained patterns and disrupts societal norms.
Self-deprivation takes many forms:
- Overwork without rest.
- Weak boundaries that allow intrusion.
- Limited, restrictive diets.
- Pursuit of perfection or status at the expense of well-being.
- Excessive exercise.
- Toxic relationships.
- Silence in the face of our truths.
These patterns are so deeply ingrained that we may not recognize them. But in the early stages of healing, a simple question can guide us: “Does this nurture me or deprive me?”
Nurses are predisposed to the profession from our personal trauma history. It is a widely understudied phenomenon. This is a blog post I wrote five years ago, in April of 2019 about this often-overlooked and vastly under-researched issue: The Relentless School Nurse: ACEs Impact Nurses More Than We Realized.
The next nugget of wisdom was such an “aha” moment that I had to stop and take a breath to understand the significance. A trusted friend shared a hard-fought decision she had struggled to make, and in the end, she chose “fierce self-compassion,” what Dr. Donna Gaffney wrote in her book, “Courageous Well-Being For Nurses,” over societal (or nursing) expectations. My friend described empowerment that bolstered her self-confidence and brought tremendous relief. My dear friend had released the burdensome angst of making a hard decision and discovered space and room for joy and peace.
Making space and room for joy and peace is my newfound mission to seek and share. I do have sacred moments of this when I spend time with my granddaughter, Nora. She has given our family five months (and counting) of complete joy and wonderment as we embrace being new grandparents and watching her grow right before our eyes. I am claiming that as truth, I will continue to make space and room for joy and peace and release the stress, anxiety, disappointment, and burdens that often overcrowd my thinking.
Sharing struggles and triumphs today…thanks for reading and supporting this space.
