A family from my school community is making the heart-wrenching decision to self-deport back to their home country, driven by the fear of being torn apart under the current administration’s immigration policies. This choice, born out of a desperate desire to keep their family intact, will uproot the children from the school community they‘ve grown to love, leaving an indelible mark on their lives and the fabric of our school.
Because (the U.S.) is not a Third World country like the ones many of us come from, I thought there would be a different culture here, and it was a rude awakening to realize that you and your family are not welcome. The reasons I left the United States are not only the uncertainty you’re living with as (Trump) returns to power, but also because it’s a country where people don’t have a sense of humanism. ‘Love thy neighbor’ doesn’t exist.” –Michel Bérrios who chose self-deportation
Understanding Self-Deportation
Self-deportation is a strategy aimed at making life so unbearable for new immigrants that they choose to leave the country voluntarily. This approach is associated with state and municipal laws restricting access to employment, healthcare, housing, and even education for those who cannot prove legal immigration status. It goes beyond restrictions, aiming to create an environment where undocumented immigrants feel compelled to leave due to the cumulative effect of these punitive measures.
The Emotional Toll on Children.
The constant fear of family separation can lead to chronic anxiety in children. They worry about their parents’ safety, their future, and the stability of their lives. This fear can manifest in physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, and sleep disturbances, which I often see in the health office. Children thrive on routine and predictability, so when a family decides to self-deport, it disrupts their daily lives, school schedules, and social connections. This loss of routine can lead to feelings of insecurity and a sense of loss, which can be deeply traumatic. The decision to leave means saying goodbye to friends, teachers, and a community they’ve grown to love, resulting in grief similar to losing a loved one. Students might experience sadness, anger, or even guilt for leaving their friends behind.
The Impact on the School Community
The fear and anxiety experienced by one family can spread to others, creating a ripple effect of emotional distress throughout the school. Students who are friends with those leaving might also feel the weight of this instability, leading to a less positive school climate. Teachers and staff, including myself, have to navigate the emotional needs of students who are dealing with this trauma. It’s not just about teaching; it’s about providing emotional support, which can be draining and challenging. The fear of immigration enforcement can lead to absenteeism, as children might avoid school out of concern for their parents. This can result in lower academic performance for the students directly affected and their peers who might be distracted by the situation.
A Call to Action
Schools must inform families about their rights and the protections available to them, which can help alleviate some of the fear and uncertainty. Providing resources and emotional support to families facing similar fears is crucial. This includes mental health services, legal aid, and community support networks. As a school nurse, I often connect families with these resources. Schools and educators can speak out against policies that separate families, pushing for more flexible enrollment policies that allow students to finish out the school year after a move. This can help mitigate some of the trauma associated with sudden changes.
A Message of Hope
While this family prepares to leave, their story is one of strength and determination. They’re choosing to keep their family together, showing their love and commitment. As they go, they carry with them the love and support of our school community. Their departure is a call to action for all of us to work towards a world where every child can succeed, no matter where they come from or where they are going.
The Failure of Immigration Deportation Policies
The current administration’s immigration deportation policies have failed our children. These policies have created an environment of fear and uncertainty, leading to the self-deportation of families like the one I’ve described. The ripple effects of these policies are far-reaching, impacting not just the families directly affected but also the entire school community. The trauma of instability, the disruption of routines, and the emotional toll on children are all consequences of these policies. We must recognize that our children are the future of our nation, and by failing to protect them from the harms of these policies, we are failing our country as a whole.
I will continue to move forward, keeping the sage words of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel in mind.
Over and above personal problems, there is an objective challenge to overcome inequity, injustice, helplessness, suffering, carelessness, oppression. Over and above the din of desires there is a calling, a demanding,…an expectation. There is a question that follows me wherever I turn. What is expected of me? What is demanded of me? – Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, Holocaust Survivor and Civil Rights Activist
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Published by Robin Cogan, MEd, RN, NCSN, FNASN, FAAN
Robin Cogan, MEd, RN, NCSN, FNASN, FAAN is a Nationally Certified School Nurse, in her 24th year as a New Jersey school nurse in the Camden City School District. Robin is the New Jersey Director for the National Association of School Nurses. She is proud to be a Johnson & Johnson School Health Leadership Fellow and past program mentor. Robin has been honored by multiple awards for her work in school nursing and population health. She serves as faculty in the School Nurse Certificate Program at Rutgers University-Camden School of Nursing. Robin writes The Relentless School Nurse, a popular blog. Her extensive work in school nursing was included as a case study in the National Academies of Medicine Future of Nursing 2030 report. You can follow Robin on Twitter at @RobinCogan.
View all posts by Robin Cogan, MEd, RN, NCSN, FNASN, FAAN
We are living in an era of stupidity and cruelty . A deadly combination.
This is what happens when you elect a felon as president.
really good post and perspective.
Thanks Wendy! I hope to see you in March!
As a professional lawyer, it is heart-wrenching to see families making the decision to self-deport due to the fear of being torn apart under the current administration’s immigration policies. The emotional toll that this decision takes on children is significant, leading to anxiety, disruption in routine, and feelings of loss and grief. My question is, how can the legal system provide better support and protection for immigrant families facing these challenges, in order to prevent the need for self-deportation?
In a world that valued children, which sadly we do live in, the legal system can prevent families from feeling forced to self-deport by doing one basic thing better: making it safe for parents to stay and care for their children while their cases are decided.
Right now, many immigrant families leave not because a judge ordered them to, but because fear takes over. Parents worry that going to school meetings, court dates, hospitals, or even work could put them at risk. When daily life feels dangerous, leaving can feel like the only way to protect their children.
To change that, the legal system needs to focus on stability.
First, families need clear, reliable protection in places children depend on—schools, healthcare settings, and courts. Parents should never have to choose between their child’s education or medical care and their family’s safety.
Second, every family needs access to a lawyer. Immigration law is complex and confusing, especially under stress. When parents don’t understand their options, they are far more likely to give up and leave—even when they may qualify to stay. Legal representation reduces fear, improves outcomes, and keeps families together.
Third, the system needs to slow down and communicate clearly. Notices should be in plain language and in a family’s primary language. Families need time to understand what’s happening and what their rights are. Rushed timelines and unclear messages push people into panic, not compliance.
Fourth, children must be treated as central—not incidental—to legal decisions. Before detaining or deporting a parent, courts should be required to consider how that action will affect the child’s safety, health, schooling, and emotional well-being. When children are ignored, harm is guaranteed.
Finally, the legal system must stop relying on fear as a tool. Aggressive enforcement messaging and unpredictable actions don’t make communities safer—they drive families into hiding or out of the country altogether. Trust keeps families engaged; fear drives them away.
In short, families self-deport when the system feels unsafe, confusing, and hostile.
They stay when the system is clear, fair, predictable, and child-focused.
If the goal is to protect children, then the solution is simple:
Build a legal system that families are not afraid to use.