The Relentless School Nurse: Beyond the Ballot: Talking to Kids About Loss and Uncertainty After an Election

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

More than twenty-four hours have passed since the election results were confirmed. I have spent the time trying to wrap my head around the outcome. But in the wee hours of that morning, 2:00 am, processing the news was incomprehensible. Amid my panic, Donna Gaffney, a brilliant and compassionate nurse psychotherapist sent me a lifeline at that early hour. She checked in, sharing her disbelief and profound disappointment, and then Donna, in her infinite wisdom, invited me to write a letter to my granddaughter, Nora. These were her directions: 

Write a note to your little granddaughter.  Fill it with love and hope for the future. Place it near her photo. When you need inspiration, read it, as many times as you need to. And when she’s older you can read it together. 

I am still formulating what I will write to Nora and will be sure to share, but in the interim, Donna gifted all of us with sage recommendations for how to respond and process what has happened.  In the wake of an election that has left many feeling uncertain and divided, parents and caregivers find themselves facing a unique challenge: how to guide their children through this complex political landscape. The aftermath of any significant election can be a confusing and emotionally charged time, not just for adults, but for the young minds trying to make sense of the world around them.

Donna’s guest blog post offers a compass for those seeking to steer their families through the post-election landscape. We’ll explore strategies to foster open dialogue, promote understanding, and cultivate resilience in our children. From honest conversations about the election’s outcome to sharing stories of historical perseverance, we’ll provide you with tools to transform this moment into an opportunity for growth, learning, and hope.

Remember, in times of change, our children look to us for stability and guidance. Let us rise to this occasion with wisdom, empathy, and an unwavering commitment to nurturing the next generation of informed, engaged citizens. Together, we can turn this challenging moment into a powerful lesson in democracy, resilience, and the enduring strength of the human spirit.

---

---

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Beyond the Ballot: Talking to Kids About Loss and Uncertainty After an Election

A death in the family turns a child’s world into an alien landscape. Everyone is grieving, emotional resources are sparse, and patience is thin, but lunches still have to be made, homework done, and bedtime routines continued. What about other kinds of losses? What about an election? Many of you will be holding sorrow deep in your hearts after the outcome of this election. You are grieving. You feel shock and disbelief and question everything you thought you knew about our world—and all you taught your children about honesty, values, and courage. But what do we tell the children? When a family member dies, we reassure children that they will still be loved and cared for, and that their lives will be the same, even in the midst of an overwhelming family crisis. Now, you are the one left with an uncertain and frightening future —consumed in your thoughts, trying to make sense of this unsettling event.

Parents and caregivers share a strong bond and history with their children. No one knows kids as well as they do; they are the best people to shepherd children through such a confusing time. Here are several suggestions to help you navigate their questions and their feelings.

• Be honest and open about the election outcome.
• Reaffirm the importance of voting as a way to make our voices heard.
• Expect “why” questions, and do your best to frame your answers in the context of how people make choices based on what is important to them. Remember, their choices may be very different from our own.
• Avoid demonizing those who supported the winning candidate (even though it may be difficult).
• Find at least one moment or thought you feel grateful for, and encourage them to do the same.
• Share stories about our history and the men and women who fought for our rights, facing setbacks and victories.
• Write a keepsake note or letter for your daughters and granddaughters, explaining why this election was meaningful for women. Fill it with love and hope for the future, and place it near their photo or give it to them. When you need inspiration, read it as many times as you like. One day, when they’re older, you can read it together.
• For older children, using a sports metaphor of winning and losing might help them understand.
• Books, stories, and poems serve as bridges, connecting words and images that both adults and children can share and explore. Through reading and listening together, parents and children can express their thoughts and ideas. It is not only the story but the sharing that makes it just a little easier to talk about difficult subjects.

For some, this election is about loss and grief, but it is also about life, hope, resilience, and courage. Some will celebrate. But we are not alone; the outcome of this election has touched thousands of families across the country. Here are several books that can educate and offer bridges to supportive conversations:

“After the Fall (How Humpty Dumpty Got Back Up Again)” by Dan Santat

“Big Boys Cry” by Jonty Howley

“Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn for Kids” by John C. Maxwell

“Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn for Teens” by John C. Maxwell

“She Persisted” by Chelsea Clinton

“We the Kids: The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States” by David Catrow

“What’s the Big Deal About Elections” by Ruby Shamir

“When Sadness is at Your Door” by Eva Eland

“When Things Aren’t Going Right, Go Left” by Marc Colagiovanni

“A Vote is a Powerful Thing” by Catherine Stier

Finally, reflect on the last words in Ernest Lawrence Thayer’s poem, “Casey at the Bat”

“Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,
But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out.”

We must remind ourselves and our children that, with courage and hope, the sun will shine bright again.

Bio: Donna A. Gaffney, DNSc, PMHCNS-BC, FAAN

Dr. Donna Gaffney has long addressed trauma, loss and grief in the lives of children, adults, and communities. As a psychotherapist and consultant, she has worked with families, schools, and professionals in the aftermath of tragedies and national disasters, such as the Challenger explosion, the Pan Am 103 crash, Sandy Hook, the Haitian earthquake, and Hurricane Katrina. After the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, Dr. Gaffney was a member of the New Jersey Traumatic Loss Coalition and the State of NJ Disaster Mental Health Services, working with Liberty Science Center, communities, families and professionals. She served on the Families of September 11 advisory board, facilitating one of the first online support groups for family members affected by the 9/11 terrorist attacks. 

Dr. Gaffney is working with corporations, communities and universities during and after the Coronavirus pandemic. She has organized a series of webinars for individuals who are navigating living/working and schooling under the same roof.  She is also piloting a webinar series for healthcare professionals who are on the frontlines and/or supporting those on the frontlines, including community-based nurses and school nurses. Among the topics are: self-assessment, compassion for self and others, grieving the loss of patients & colleagues and witnessing trauma in the work place.

Dr. Gaffney also focuses on how children conceptualize and react to significant life events—illness, loss and grief. In addition to academic publications, she is the author of The Seasons of Grief, Helping Children Grow Through Loss. She has a long history in classroom, experiential and online education, having taught and developed programs at the International Trauma Studies Program, Columbia and Seton Hall Universities. Dr. Gaffney holds master’s degrees from Teachers College, Columbia University and Rutgers University and earned her doctorate at the University of Pennsylvania. Her post-doctoral work includes the Prudential Fellowship for Children and the News at Columbia Journalism School and the International Trauma Studies Program. She is a consultant to the New York Life Foundation and the Resilient Parenting for Bereaved Families Program at Arizona State University and has a private practice focusing on individuals, professionals and communities affected by trauma, loss and violence.